Chris is my Bible study leader and one of the directors of a campus group called YFA-Yale Faith and Action. It's a chapter of a larger organization called Christian Union. Christian Union was founded at Princeton by Matt Bennett in the hopes that he could equip future leaders with a spiritual foundation that would require as much work and dedication as that of their Ivy education. Since its founding, the Union has expanded to encompass the Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Dartmouth campuses. At first, I honestly thought it sounded a little snobby and elitist, but I've found that since it was designed specifically to cater to the Ivy environment, it's able to supplement the overwhelming amount of secular philosophy we, as students, are exposed to on a daily (if not hourly) basis. The Bible course is a four year commitment (go big or go home) and, I've been told that the seven other freshman girls in my study will be my future bridesmaids; Chris apparently assumes that finding a husband is an easy task. While we are all still trying to get to know one another, I was amazed at the depth of our first meeting this week. I CANNOT WAIT to see where the rest of our conversations will lead us over this semester, this year, and the rest of my college career. But, for the time being, I have only this past week to reflect on. Luckily, the quote at the top of this post provides more than enough material for me.
I wrote it down as soon as Chris said it because I loved it. And I came to find that I loved it (still love it) for many reasons.
1) It was convicting. I can't tell you how many times I've asked God to tell me what His plan is for my life: vocationally, romantically, etc. I've always been a control freak and, until recently, I thought I always would be. The past month has taught me a lot about what is and is not within my own control (another post entirely). In short, I've come to realize that no matter how many times I try to work out a plan in my head, God can (and will) turn it completely around.
2) It presents a choice. After meditating on it for awhile, I came to find that I would have to make a choice. This choice centers on desire, a word I've recently come to despise. The way I now see it, desire is either very good or it is completely detrimental; it either glorifies God or contributes to our own self-love, the antithesis of Christ; there is no middle ground. Here at Yale, and at every university worldwide, students are being taught to desire, in the most dangerous way possible. We are told to want to become powerful and influential, to exalt ourselves in our own intelligence, and to create our own future based the excellence that we ourselves have generated. In the midst of this and in light of Chris' quote, I must ask myself, "How can I train myself to want to relinquish what little hold I have on my future?"
3) It has the power to alleviate fear. While that may sound strangely like a TV commercial for some new medication with hundreds of unmentionable side-affects, it's true. Sincerely abiding with God means being with Him at all times and using Him as a resource at all times. I think sometimes people forget to see God as a resource but, especially in the context of this quote, He can be a means of stress relief. In a school where I am constantly pressured to decide which field I want to pursue and what I want to do with my life, I know that I don't have to decide any of those things right away. There is no one "right path"--God can use whatever it is that I decide to study (and all of the things I learn outside of the classroom) to further His kingdom. So long as I am abiding with Him every step of the way, I cannot make a wrong turn.
Now, saying these things and even believing them whole-heartedly doesn't make them easy to live out. While I would like to tell you all that I've renounced my claim on my life, I haven't; it's a struggle. While I've learned to decipher the good desires from the bad, that doesn't mean there isn't any self-righteousness that still lingers in my heart. But I have become more aware of my weaknesses and I know that they will be the mechanisms God will use to show himself to me.
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