Ramona Without Rage

So, I'm sitting in a jam-packed hotel room, supposedly working on one of my final papers. Yeah, right. This weekend is my first away frisbee tourney--Fall Brawl at Princeton. Today was one of the most gorgeous days: Sunny and 55. I'm living here forever.
Because of my mono relapse, I have to be really careful about how much I exert myself. So, I spent almost every other point subbing out. I was a little bitter at first, but then I realized how lucky I was to be spending a beautiful day outside, off campus, and with some of the coolest girls I've ever met.
As I was telling my mom about the afternoon (yes, of course I text my mom 24/7), I remember thinking to myself that I would not have survived this semester at Yale without my suitemates and Ramona. They're the best. Period.
It's really interesting being on a Yale athletic team, for a variety of reasons:
1) I'm not athletic.
2) Everyone else is surprisingly athletic.
3) I can no longer use the excuse "I'm more of a school person" to explain my inathleticity; everyone here is a "school person".
But that's okay. They still accept me. I think.
One of the most striking realizations I had today was during the last game. The score was tied 8-8, the soft cap had sounded, and the coach of our opponents was getting a little antsy. And by antsy I mean completely inappropriate. He spent the entirety of the game, no matter the score, abusing his players. Not surprisingly, he became more and more violent as the game progressed. Worse than constantly demoralizing his players, he failed to create a sense of unity among them. While I understand that coaches should be firm in their instruction and criticize in order to improve, there also needs to be a foundational level of support and trust; judging by the dynamic I observed between the players and this coach, that level was non-existent.
I was furious. The more time I spent on the sideline, the more upset I became. I not only felt for his players, but I felt for him, too. I can't imagine going through life with that bitter outlook. I seriously considered going up to him after the game to ask him what in his life was causing him so much anguish. Had we not won, I probably would have; considering their marginal loss, he probably would have blown up in my face.
So, to Claire, Luci, and all of my other teammates who have given me constructive criticism, I thank you for the love with which you do it. You da best.

CL in the City

Back by popular demand....
Not really, but my trip to NYC with Maria was too phototastic to pass up.

         

  

Okay, so the tags weren't working...

(1) Grand Central Station

(2) Yum

(3) Maria won a Keurig at a rando street fair. It was a day full of luck.

(4) 30 Rock, y'all.

(5) Painting class in The Park.

(6) Obligatory self-timer shot.

(7) The Boathouse--27 Dresses, anyone?

(8) We had some trouble at first. Two ex-rowers in a rowboat wasn't as easy as we thought.

(9) The fall foliage was gorgeous.

(10) Reunion with Diva Leif and 2/5 of my favorite family.

55 Days 'til Christmas...Not That I'm Counting...

Okay, so the photoblog wasn't the best idea. Mostly because I'm too lazy to take pictures. But today is a special day. 

IT'S THE START OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON. Or it is in my book, at least. I honestly can't wait for Christmas. FINALLY coming home December 14th--hide yo kids & mark your calendars. I'm beyond excited to see you all; you're all I dream about, in the least creepy way possible. 

But before I get to come home, I have to make it through November. So far, I haven't heard anyone utter the phrase "No Shave" so that's definite step up from last year. In preparation for Thanksgiving, I'm doing another Daniel Fast. I did my first one over during Lent last spring, but I didn't make it through the whole thing uninterrupted. This time, I'm determined. I am in need of perspective. 

I've been going through a season of spiritual dryness. When I intimated this to my Chris (see earlier blogpost for deets), shared with me some encouraging words. In case any of you are going through a similar ordeal, I thought I'd share them with you:  "Sometimes God can withdraw the "fire" or strong feeling we have for Him to try us and teach us, so that we don't love the feelings we get from HIm more than God Himself." This idea comes from Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross. I just started the book today, but I  can tell already it'll be a great read--if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. 

I don't believe Chris intended for this passage to be convicting, but it was. I don't think we are meant to feel bad for asking God to return to us a passion for Him, but we must allow Him to do it in His own time. It's not fair for us to immediately want to be filled as soon as we are emptied, but instead we should try to gain understanding as we migrate from spiritual richness to the sensation of depravity. 

So, I'm trying to use this short, three week period to gain such an understanding and, at the same time, prepare myself for a season of Thanksgiving, rather than just a single day. 

Because, as everyone knows, Thanksgiving really means CHRISTMAS. And Christmas is the best. 

 

You Treat Life Like A Picture

...but it's not just a moment that's frozen in time. Thank you, Rascal Flatts for my life motto. I thought I'd try something new this month: Photoblog. I'm trying to force myself to start taking more pictures, so bear with me a little bit. Thought I'd start off with a collection of some of my favorite pics from my time here at Yale thus far. Enjoy...or at least pretend.

Cross Campus

               Pierson, Pierson College                                                                                                        Harkness Tower

The Place & Apple Picking

 

YSC Retreat

One of Those Lives.

I'll be honest. Today was a bad day.
I knew one was bound to come along, but I didn't think it'd be this soon. Bad days are usually few and far between for me.
The problems started this morning at breakfast: there wasn't any oatmeal. Oatmeal is the best. Enough said. From there, I went to my math class, where I was informed by a number of returned assignments that I was failing the class. Literally failing. Yale is actually hard? What?
Luckily, I only have one class on Mondays so I didn't have to endure any further grade-related disappointments (but there's always tomorrow...). Later in the afternoon, I went for a run. I hadn't made it two miles before my shins starting hurting--badly. They've been bothering me for the past couple of weeks, but it's a lot easier to ignore certain problems than fix them. Today, it got to the point where it was hardly bearable. After consulting with the trainer and a few other experts (my healthy, lean and sedentary suitemate) I believe I have shin splints. Kill me. I also came back to my suite to find my suitemate in tears, wallowing in homesickness. I may or may not have cried again.
On the upside, I did get a taste for the many resources Yale has to offer today. I went to my math teacher's office hours and he recommended a one-on-one tutoring problem (free of charge-#winning) with an upperclassman. Additionally, he referred me to this wonderfully lovely British lady who spent two hours with me tonight going over the lesson we learned in class today. I also went to schedule an appointment with Dean Fabbri (Italian motorcyclist extraordinaire) to discuss my progress sometime next week. While this more than adequately addressed my math problem, the others were not so easy to fix.
As for the shin splints, WebMD and Wikipedia (reliable, I know) recommend refraining from strenuous activity/exercise for at least three weeks. Yeah, right. Did that with mono--worst thing ever--never going back. As for my suitemate, I wasn't really in a position to help her since she had my waterworks going, too. It's hard to be rational in a situation that directly attacks your pathos.
It surprised me how emotional I got so quickly. I guess I've had a lot of stuff building up. I've been stressed about my performance in class (who wants to start out with a 2.5?), friendships back home, missing my dog (and my family, too), etc. But, even as I sit here, wallowing a little bit, I realize how much I have to be thankful for. JESUS LOVES ME, as Brooks so kindly just reminded me via tweet (thanks, Jason). He loves me when I'm hurt, homesick, weak, heartbroken, lost, confused, distracted, or desperate. He loves me, and His love is all I need.

The Great Quotables: Abraham Lincoln, Ghandi, and Chris Matthews

"Wanting for God to tell us what to do is us desiring for control rather than desiring to abide with Him every step of the way."-Chris Matthews

Chris is my Bible study leader and one of the directors of a campus group called YFA-Yale Faith and Action. It's a chapter of a larger organization called Christian Union. Christian Union was founded at Princeton by Matt Bennett in the hopes that he could equip future leaders with a spiritual foundation that would require as much work and dedication as that of their Ivy education. Since its founding, the Union has expanded to encompass the Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Dartmouth campuses. At first, I honestly thought it sounded a little snobby and elitist, but I've found that since it was designed specifically to cater to the Ivy environment, it's able to supplement the overwhelming amount of secular philosophy we, as students, are exposed to on a daily (if not hourly) basis.  The Bible course is a four year commitment (go big or go home) and, I've been told that the seven other freshman girls in my study will be my future bridesmaids; Chris apparently assumes that finding a husband is an easy task. While we are all still trying to get to know one another, I was amazed at the depth of our first meeting this week. I CANNOT WAIT to see where the rest of our conversations will lead us over this semester, this year, and the rest of my college career. But, for the time being, I have only this past week to reflect on. Luckily, the quote at the top of this post provides more than enough material for me. 

I wrote it down as soon as Chris said it because I loved it. And I came to find that I loved it (still love it) for many reasons. 

1) It was convicting. I can't tell you how many times I've asked God to tell me what His plan is for my life: vocationally, romantically, etc. I've always been a control freak and, until recently, I thought I always would be. The past month has taught me a lot about what is and is not within my own control (another post entirely). In short, I've come to realize that no matter how many times I try to work out a plan in my head, God can (and will) turn it completely around.

2) It presents a choice. After meditating on it for awhile, I came to find that I would have to make a choice. This choice centers on desire, a word I've recently come to despise. The way I now see it, desire is either very good or it is completely detrimental; it either glorifies God or contributes to our own self-love, the antithesis of Christ; there is no middle ground. Here at Yale, and at every university worldwide, students are being taught to desire, in the most dangerous way possible. We are told to want to become powerful and influential, to exalt ourselves in our own intelligence, and to create our own future based the excellence that we ourselves have generated. In the midst of this and in light of Chris' quote, I must ask myself, "How can I train myself to want to relinquish what little hold I have on my future?"

3) It has the power to alleviate fear. While that may sound strangely like a TV commercial for some new medication with hundreds of unmentionable side-affects, it's true. Sincerely abiding with God means being with Him at all times and using Him as a resource at all times. I think sometimes people forget to see God as a resource but, especially in the context of this quote, He can be a means of stress relief. In a school where I am constantly pressured to decide which field I want to pursue and what I want to do with my life, I know that I don't have to decide any of those things right away. There is no one "right path"--God can use whatever it is that I decide to study (and all of the things I learn outside of the classroom) to further His kingdom. So long as I am abiding with Him every step of the way, I cannot make a wrong turn.

Now, saying these things and even believing them whole-heartedly doesn't make them easy to live out. While I would like to tell you all that I've renounced my claim on my life, I haven't; it's a struggle. While I've learned to decipher the good desires from the bad, that doesn't mean there isn't any self-righteousness that still lingers in my heart. But I have become more aware of my weaknesses and I know that they will be the mechanisms God will use to show himself to me.